Turn and face the strain

Halfway through the semester and right on schedule, I’m at my breaking point. The past two months have been a whirlwind of craziness, busy-ness, and overall chaos. Luckily, I’ve proved to be incredibly nomadic amidst all the mayhem which has been keeping this breakdown at bay; I’ve been living in the city, going back and forth from Long Island, briefing in Boston, and currently, I’m in Baltimore.

I haven’t been stressing much at all but lately there’s a lot of things hitting me at once and I’m having a hard time keeping up. Because I feel like I need to make a list just to organize my thoughts, here’s what’s currently troubling me:

  • I just formally got accepted into my study abroad program for next semester via an email from the International Affairs office and the due date for a TON of paperwork (including my VISA and a check for $2,700) is November 1st…as in a week from now. WOW FIT, thanks for the advanced notice and for completely screwing me over. Coming up with that money in a weeks span of time is going to be a real fucking treat.
  • I recently quit a job that I genuinely loved and I’m having major second thoughts about it. I love and miss everyone there so much and I’ve literally been gone a week.
  • I’m starting a new job in the next few weeks that will be paying me a lot but I won’t be there very long because I’m (hopefully) going abroad. I can’t help but think it’s a waste of my time getting well-acquainted with something new only to leave it shortly thereafter.
  • My internship is unsatisfying. I’ll just leave it at that.
  • I miss just spending time with my family. I was really looking forward to the holidays this year and I realized that with the new job I’m starting, I probably won’t be able to even come home on Thanksgiving. Holidays without my family can’t even be classified as holidays…

All in all, it just boils down to two things: money and change. I’ve never dealt with either of these things well. I can’t manage money for my life and I need to start learning how to do that fast. I’m also really uncomfortable with change. I like having my life in a neat, little routine that I can manage – a routine where there is enough change to avoid monotony but not enough to shake me up. If someone told me that my life would change this drastically over the course of three short years, I’d have told them they were out of their damn minds. I feel like I don’t know how to handle anything anymore.

I need it to be the days of summer where I just worried about work, my family, and my friends. Now.

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