Only If You Mean It


There are a lot of things in life that I don’t understand and many of those things, I probably won’t ever understand. I just didn’t think that at 20 years old so many things would still confuse me; and I’m not just talking about things involving other people, but things about myself. I don’t know if it’s that I’m tired or I’m lonely or I’m angry but I can’t deal with everyone’s inability to just address life as it is. What is so complicated about saying exactly what’s on your mind, how you feel, and just being honest? I understand that people get hurt over blunt honesty but sometimes that’s okay. Sometimes it’s okay to hurt someone a little so that you don’t hurt them a lot.

Lately, I’ve been in too many situations where people haven’t been honest with me or themselves and it’s exasperating. I live for jokes and sarcasm and awkward conversation but isn’t there a point when we need to cut that out? All that stuff does is promote overanalyzing and as a chronic over-thinker, I can attest to those kind of things being toxic to a person.

A good friend of mine and I had a chat about this just a few nights ago and we both agreed that it’s emotionally draining when you don’t know where you stand with someone [or something] because the other party can’t vocalize what they’re thinking or feeling. In that same conversation, we also realized that we both laid out our thoughts on the line for people just to get a pin-drop silence in response. If you don’t want to be with someone, just say it. If you don’t want to be friends with someone, say it. If you don’t want to converse with someone, say it. There would be a lot more constructive conversation and happier people in the world if such a trend caught on.

I’m slowly catching on that I’ll never know what I want in life and I don’t expect anyone else to know either but if we’re genuine and we talk to one another, maybe we can work it out together. And who knows? Maybe we won’t be so alone after all.

“Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.”

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