So, This Is Growing Up

It’s been almost three years since I graduated high school and for the first time, I feel like I’ve changed. I don’t know why but being around my friends and old acquaintances, sharing everything from trivial small talk to stories I’ve been dying to tell them just made me realize how far I’ve gone from that girl who was so unsure of what college would hold just a few short years ago.

I know this is by no means a grand epiphany but rather a reassurance of something I probably already knew. I’m just noticing now that this is what it means to grow up and “come into your own.” In mere discussion tonight, I came to realize that this semester in particular has been the biggest catalyst in my sudden self-awareness of maturation.

I up and moved out of the only home I’ve ever known to go to a new city, left a job I loved, started an insane new job, was president of a school organization, jumped into an entirely new area of interning, juggled six classes, and somehow managed to intertwine a social life into all of that. It’s chaotic to say the least but I’d be lying if I said I stand alone.

I guess the beauty to be found in recognizing my impending adulthood, amidst the current chaos, is that it’s certainly exciting. Anxiety-inducing too, but exciting all the same. It’s similar to how I feel about studying abroad next semester. Initially, I was thrilled but the thrill dwindled to resentment when I realized that my life as I know it has to stop for several months so I can have a different life for a little while. So, yes, while that’s exciting, it feels too much like an excuse for people to walk away from me, without consequence, because I’ll be gone for a while; it’s also an excuse for me to walk away too. And maybe “walk away” isn’t even the proper wording. Maybe it’s an excuse to start something completely new because really that’s what I want from this trip. I want to find something new, not just something tangible that I haven’t seen before but rather, something in myself. And with what I’ve uncovered in the past semester, another semester should do the trick.

So, readers, I wish you the best in your adventures, journeys, and endeavors. May you find your something new with ease, grace, and little heartbreak.

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