At almost five o’clock in the morning on Saturday, it seems all too appropriate to make a post. I arrived nearly five days ago in Florence, Italy and it has proven to be quite an adventure thus far. I’ve already met absolutely incredibly people and had experiences that are worth keeping records of.
I can’t particularly say that I’m homesick just yet; although I do miss my bed terribly because the puny mattress and pathetic pillow I’m currently sleeping on/with are completely sub-par. Being in Florence is significantly different than what I thought it’d be – I feel as though I’m in New York City and the LIRR is just permanently shut down so I can’t go home until it’s running again.
There are times when you read something, watch a show or listen to a song and none of the information that passes through your mind is relatable – you can’t find a modicum of your own woes in the words, so you beat on. Then, there are times when an act or a happening triggers those words and you remember what you read, watched, or heard and when you revisit it, you realize it’s completely applicable to your current situation and that someone has perfectly formulated what your chaotic thoughts can’t do on their own. This is one of those times.
“A couple hundred years ago Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that ’til tomorrow, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity; you’d think we’d pay more attention to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear if just of making a decision. Because… What if you’re wrong? What if you make a mistake you can’t undo? Whatever it is we’re afraid of, one thing holds true: That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor. ‘The early bird catches the worm. ‘A stitch in time saves nine.’ ‘He who hesitates is lost.’ We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time; heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of not trying.”
I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve wasted so much time but at the end of the day, I know I tried really hard. And it’s not the trying so hard on my part that hurts the most – it’s that you didn’t even want to try.
Posted in Life, Writing
Tagged cliches, crushes, failed crushes, failed relationships, friendships, grey's anatomy, life, meredith grey, rejection, relationships
It’s been far too long since my last post and to that fact, I can only say that I’ve been very, very busy. School and my internship ended exactly a month ago and while that should’ve freed up my time exponentially, I’ve been in whirlwind ever since. My part-time (albeit amazing) job has dominated most of my time; our grand opening in Grand Central happened two weeks before Christmas and due to the nature of the season, I was working forty-hour weeks (note: I loved those gorgeous paychecks). I was also commuting from Long Island because I, sadly, moved out of my little Manhattan hideaway – so. tack on an additional two hours to my already long 9-hour days and you get a very tired Jenna with not a lot of free time.
Regardless of the little time I was getting at home, I can honestly say that the past few months, especially this last one, at my job have been my lifeline and the incredible people I met there have really restructured my thoughts on going abroad. My last day at work was Friday and when I walked into work early in the day, I wasn’t sure they were going to take me back upon my return to the states; by the end of the day, my doubts were quashed and my managers, my coworkers – my friends were all saying they’d see me in May. They are truly great people with greater hearts than most. My only upset with them is that they are simply more faces and personalities I will miss when I take off.
However, despite my missing them, they have (re)taught me the valuable lesson that new people are only new for so long before they become friends and loved ones. So, my countdown begins – seven more days until I meet the friends and loved ones of my future.