“Well, for fuck’s sake, I’m not cool. And I want to fall in love; I might even want to fall in love with you. I have this tremendous capacity to love and I am drowning in it. With the effort it takes for me to remain aloof and unattached, I am quietly, quietly submerged in this innate and overwhelming need to love. But here’s the thing, I can’t “kind of” love you. I can’t fall “a little bit” in love with you. I am going to love you in a way that is going to warm you, in a perpetual sort of way.”
There’s a park in my town that overlooks the water and I usually find myself ending up there most nights of the week. It’s the absolute perfect place to think and it’s what inspired this piece. ______________________________________________________________________
I have always found an amazing sense of clarity when looking out on a body of water. Perhaps it’s something to do with the way the ripples across the surface interact with one another or perhaps it’s something deeper, something molecular and biological that reaches out from the recesses of the liquid expanse and melds with the neurons in my brain. Filling gaps and triggering sparks in my synapses, the water makes my world make sense – not for forever, but for a little while.
Once I’m under, I’ve found that the water has a way of spreading out my thoughts. Moving them this way and that until they are organized into tiny infinitesimal fragments of information that can be flicked away quickly and heartlessly, like an unwanted insect. The complex ideas and problems that, mere hours before, would not cease to obfuscate my mind have somehow been rolled up, tucked into a bottle, and thrown into the deafening noise of the ocean around me. This liquid blanket that envelops me entirely washes away my worries and like cold, hard liquor, it drowns my sorrows.
Posted in Essays, Life, Writing
Tagged beaches, essays, life, oceans, problems, swimming, thoughts, underwater, water, writing
Posted in Life, Movies, Travel
Tagged europe, f scott fitzgerald, jack kerouac, love, midnight in paris, sex and the city, thoughts, travel, tumblr, zelda fitzgerald